


More Than Regret

by the_secret_wordsmith



Series: Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest September 2020 [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, POV Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_secret_wordsmith/pseuds/the_secret_wordsmith
Summary: Remus holds the man he loves in his arms once more, but can he forgive himself for believing Sirius was the traitor?[For day five of @swottypotter 's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest]
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest September 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931587
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	More Than Regret

**Author's Note:**

> For Day Five of swottypotter's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest. The theme was "an apology".

The front door of the Lupin cottage was still open, a cool breeze brushing through and bringing with it the sweet smells of the summer night air. His words were quieter than the rustling of leaves outside, but with none of their contented tranquillity.

“I'm so sorry.”

Sirius was in his arms, bearing ill news from Hogwarts: Voldemort was back, returned that very night.

But Remus was elsewhere, still living through two very different times simultaneously: the night fourteen years ago when his entire world had fallen apart, and then the night a year ago when his entire world had fallen apart, again.

“Remus?” Sirius pulled back and looked at him. He was frowning. Remus had his hands entwined in long dark hair, so desperate for Sirius, but also knowing that he was so undeserving. He had always been so undeserving.

“I let them take you,” he choked out, “I let them... I...”

“Stop it,” Sirius whispered and he raised his hands to brush Remus's face, cool callouses brushing away tears. “We've been through this. I forgave you. You forgave me for the same.”

Remus shook his head, “But you went to Azkaban.”

Gaunt features. Hollow-looking eyes. Matted hair. Remus would never forgive himself for letting them do that to Sirius. _Never._

“I'm sorry,” Sirius burst out and Remus was momentarily shocked. Why? Why would he say that?

“What.”

“I was so convinced that they'd turned you, Moony,” he whispered and now Remus saw the grey turn silver, tears slipping down a face prematurely aged, cheeks still too hollow for Remus's liking. “My heart broke when I thought... when I let Peter manipulate me... when I...”

“Stop it,” Remus hissed and pulled him closer, “There's nothing to forgive, Sirius. We were all paranoid, all so broken.” His voice mimicked the word, cracking as he buried his face in the dark hair of the man he loved. “I have you now.”

He said those words for himself as much as for Sirius: he needed to convince himself, remind himself that Sirius was here now, safe and whole and alive.

Sirius turned his face and breathed against the soft part of Remus's neck. His breath was warm and familiar. Remus felt the wetness of tears, Sirius sniffling like the boy who'd come to Remus's bed all those years ago, broken, and mourning the loss of a still-living brother.

“There's no need to apologise, Moony,” he said and pulled back to look him in the eye. “We're more than that – more than regret and guilt and unnecessary apologies.”

Remus tilted his head to one side and stared into the grey eyes of the man he loved. Sirius stared back, intense and determined and so very defiant: just like he'd always been.

“Ok.”

And the gap closed, warm breath mingled; and the two of them kissed, lips soft and gentle and determined. Sirius's hand reached up to Remus's neck and jaw, and Remus reached around with one hand to pull Sirius closer from behind whilst the other hand disappeared into long dark hair.

There was no need for another apology: not between them, not with everything; and not now, when all they had was under threat, and the darkness loomed over once more.

Remus pulled away, breathing heavily. He reached both his hands up to cradle Sirius's face in a tender grasp. Thumb ran along wrinkle lines and Sirius's eyes flickered open and shut, heavily lidded as they stared back at Remus with such longing.

“We're here,” Remus said, voice low and powerful and determined, “We're here, Pads, right now. And I have you, and you have me. And that's what matters: we are what matters.”

“No more apologies,” Sirius breathed and Remus nodded.

“No more apologies.”


End file.
